Repeat after me

So, we sit down to say prayers. And when I say, "we," I mean everyone except Damian. Eventually we all sit down to pray. Anyway, the important thing here is that Damian starts saying the prayer, with me telling him what to say. We get to the point where I tell him to say, "Please bless us to get up early and work hard to get all our cleaning done so we can do fun stuff." Damian says, "Let's pretend I already said that part cuz it's too hard. What's next?"

The Journey

We just returned from our trip to Canada. We drove in our White Town&Country minivan. It has a TV, we lost the remote in Nebraska.
We spent our first night on the way up in a hotel. The first hotel we stopped at wasn't to my liking, and if I'm going to pay to sleep there I figure I had better like it. So we tried another one. This was better, the beds were neither too hard nor too soft and we all slept well. In the morning I gave the girls a bath. A few minutes into the bath there was a knock at the door. Walter informed me a hotel employee was inquiring as to whether or not we were having any flooding. No flooding, thank you very much. He left, and a few minutes later returned, this time asking us to leave the room. Apparently there was some flooding under our room. Ember was finished her bath and dressed, but Lillian went with a shampoo covered head into the next room over, where cleaning personnel were shooed from the room as we entered. They weren't done yet. I turned on the faucet, no water came out. I tried to find the manager, no luck. While a cleaning lady tracked him down, I returned to our original room, where I found Walter had bailed the tub water into the toilet with the ice bucket. A maintenance guy had already torn a hole in the wall behind the tub and outside the room as well. The manager returned, had the water turned on and I helped Lillian finish her bath with no soap, as they hadn't restocked the room. I then took my clean brood down to breakfast.
A note: My favourite thing about staying in a hotel is a hot breakfast. I like scrambled eggs, a toasted bagel and some fruit. I've picked hotels based on their breakfast offerings.
Breakfast that morning was cold cereal. Not that there hadn't been a great many other thing available before the incident. The dining room was flooded. the recessed lighting fixtures were hanging from their sockets, dripping. The newly water-stained ceiling panels were dripping into about 14 garbage cans and buckets scattered throughout the room, and water still covered a third of the floor. A mop and bucket were in the room, but the seated cleaning staff had an air about them that said - the place has gone to heck, no point in trying anymore.
I sat down with the kids to eat my own bowl of fruitloops and Damian yells - Mom, you broke the hotel! and stares me down accusingly. Yes, I did. But it wasn't my fault.

Spare Change

I was on the computer when Damian came up to me with a few pennies, a nickel and a quarter.
- I found some money, mom. Can I keep it?
- Sure Damian. What are you going to do with it?
He gives it some thought.
- Buy groceries, I guess.

Flowers

Today I was stuck in traffic on the way from work to pick up Lillian at school. No surprise. I arrived to pick her up 25 minutes after school let out. Quite proudly, she announced that she had called Dad to tell him I didn't show up, and Dad was on his way. He made it home 3 minutes after I did. In order to not waste the extra time he now had, he promptly had a nap. But just before he did, we overheard Lillian telling Damian, in that older-sisterly -I will now instruct you- tone of voice:
-Damian, you will have to get flowers for your wife when you get married.
-No I don't.
-Yes you do, or you won't have any children.
And so the birds and the bees are made clear. It's all about flowers.

In the Car

Just a quick note; when Ember and I are out running errands and the sun dips low in the sky, she wails "the sun is looking at me", which means it's shining in her eyes and she doesn't like it.

An Abandoned Pastime

As you may know, I used to enjoy, in a loose sense, regular colonoscopies. My favorites were the ones with anesthesia, but I did plenty of the others too. Just so I could say I did. Before continuing, you should read this description of the procedure. Don't worry, it's safe to read before lunch.

My last colonoscopy was almost exactly the same. My doctor, whose name I will leave out, though he was known to some as "Wild Bill," to his staff as "Guido," to others as "Surfer Bill," to most of his female patients as "Fabio," (and I'm tempted to say some called him Tim) asked me if the room temperature was comfortable. It was around 40 F. Perfect for wearing a hospital gown. Sure, Bill, with your long sleeve shirt, long pants and yellow plastic surgical apron, it's great. He asked if I had any requests.

"No country music during the procedure and I'd like a carton of frozen yogurt waiting for me with a spoon when I come to." He grinned evilly, reached over and pushed play on the CD player. Nothing. He turned up the volume and delivered a nearly fatal dose of Tim McCrawdad or some such City-Boy-with-Hat-Boots-Pickup-Truck-and-Fancy-Guitar-Who-Doesn't-Know-When-to-Keep-Quiet-(Always). He pretended he didn't see my mouth moving for a minute, then turned down the volume.

"That's it!" I shouted. "Today's your turn. Gimme that yellow apron and lie down!" Unfortunately, the anesthesiologist had pushed the magic button when I wasn't looking. Just before I conked out, Dr. Bill gave me another evil grin and some comment about how I'd never really know what happened next.

One day, I'll find his secret headquarters. And when I do...

I'm cooking, Ember enters the kitchen. I'm chopping hamburger as it cooks so it doesn't return to the solid mass it was before it was ground.
Aside[With all the additives they add to food, why haven't they made one that stops hamburger from sticking to itself while it cooks. They have stuff to prevent salt from caking.]
-Iss eecoo eye ick, iss eecoo eye ick!
(Not looking up from chopping)-OK Ember
-Iss eecoo eye ick, iss eecoo eye ick!
-What? does your ankle hurt, or have something on it?
-Iss eecoo eye ick, iss eecoo eye ick!
-Are you asking me to be quiet?
-Iss eecoo eye ick, iss eecoo eye ick!
(I finally look, she's holding a quarter)-Ooh, there's an eagle on it.
Should have known.

Dinner is ready. It's the quick kind.
-Who wants some sloppy joes.
Dead silence, or maybe horrified, it's hard to tell sometimes.
-Don't give me that look, Damian, it's good food.
-I'm allergic to sloppy joes.

Lillian has climbed onto the desk and is accessing forbidden things like staplers, tape, glue, and anything else you can make a mess with.
-Get down from there.
She jumps onto a wheeled chair, rolling across the floor.
-Don't do that, you might get hurt.
-Why?
-You'll fall and break your arm and I'll have to take everybody to the ER cause your dad's not here and they'll look at me like I'm a bad mom.
-You're crazy.
Well, yeah, but more to the point; why?